


It's Quiet Uptown

by visionshadows



Series: Short Stories and Tiny Tales [12]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Child Death, Does not get better, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Sad sad sad, talk of divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 15:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11970627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows
Summary: Sid sends him away.





	It's Quiet Uptown

**Author's Note:**

> This is really fucking sad. I was listening to Hamilton which I normally do not listen to closely, but I'm home and unemployed and depressed and I was listening to it way too closely and this happened after I listened to It's Quiet Uptown.

Zhenya wakes with a start, his heart pounding and his cheeks wet with tears. He reaches his hand up to wipe away tears and grips his hair in his hands before he climbs out of bed, his knees aching and his head echoing with the sound of Sid screaming at him to leave, just leave. 

It’s late or early. He doesn’t really know or care. It’s dark when he walks into the kitchen to put on water for tea. The second worst day of his life plays out in repeat in his dreams too frequently. The worst day, the day Jasper’s heart stopped beating, hides in the shadows and corners, never leaving him alone when he’s awake.

Sid haunts his nights and Jasper haunts his days.

Zhenya doesn’t know if he’s coming or going most of the time, just smiles and shakes hands and goes where he is told. Genya keeps him going, makes sure he doesn’t wither away and die. He makes sure Zhenya’s investments continue, his clothing line doesn’t fold, his parents are taken care of.

He would be dead without Genya.

Zhenya’s not sure if he’s happy about that or not.

Taylor always picks up no matter the time of day. She answers him and talks to him even though her heart is broken too. She doesn’t lie to him and say that he should come home, that things can be worked out. She knows her brother and knows Sid doesn’t want Zhenya near him. Sid wants to pretend that he was never married, never had a son.

If Sid could, he would erase Zhenya and Jasper completely to protect his heart.

If it wasn’t for hockey, Sid would probably try.

There is too much history to erase Zhenya, but Jasper was only alive for three years. Taylor says that Sid doesn’t mention Jasper at all. There are no pictures of him in Sid’s house. Zhenya’s house is full of them.

Zhenya sips his tea and listens to Taylor breathe at the other end of the line, thousands of miles away from Moscow. He starts to cry again, silent except for the hitching of his breath.

“Zhenya,” she murmurs softly. “Don’t cry. Turn on some lights. Don’t sit in the dark and cry for Sid.”

Zhenya listens and blinks back tears. He still doesn’t talk, but she does, filling the silence with news from their friends and family. He plays with the stacked wedding rings on his right ring finger, his and Sid’s since Sid didn’t want it any longer.

Taylor falls quiet.

“Why?” Zhenya says after a long time. “Why I’m not good enough?”

“He’s not good enough for you,” Taylor says fiercely. He can hear the tears in her voice. “You did everything you could to help the both of you heal after Jasper died. He chose not to participate and to let you go.”

The front door of Zhenya’s apartment opens and closes. Genya is in the kitchen a moment later, his face worn and creased with age and sleepiness. Taylor must have sent him over when Zhenya called. She’s done it before.

Genya gets himself tea and rubs Zhenya’s shoulders before taking the phone and saying goodbye to Taylor.

“You should go back to bed,” Genya says gently. “I’ll sit with you if you want.”

Zhenya shakes his head so they drink their tea in silence, the watery light of dawn rising. Genya gets up to scramble eggs.

“There’s someone who wants to see you.”

“No press, no articles,” Zhenya says not for the first time. “No Sasha.”

Genya laughs at that and shakes his head, putting eggs in front of Zhenya. “Eat. I told this person no.”

Zhenya nods at that, trusting Genya to make the right decisions. He eats mechanically. Genya is an awful cook. Zhenya still remembers how watery his borscht was back when he was a kid in Pittsburgh and Genya would help him remember Russia.

“It was Sidney.”

Genya is sipping tea and watching Zhenya carefully. Zhenya looks back him, at the wrinkles around his eyes and the frown on his face. His heart thumps painfully and he feels his stomach clench at Sid’s name, the thought that Sid wants to see him.

“He probably wants me to sign divorce papers,” Zhenya finally says, his voice hoarse. “Figures he can talk me into it if he shows up in Russia with them.”

“He wouldn’t tell me why. That’s why I said no.”

Zhenya nods and eats another mouthful of eggs. He won’t sign the papers, not yet. He told Sid that when Sid first handed them to him, two months after Jasper died. He won’t go down without a fight, even if his version of a fight is going to Russia and mourning his family.

“Maybe you should sign,” Genya says to him. “Let go of him. Marriages end, Zhenya.”

Zhenya nods again and then shakes his head. “Mine isn’t over.”

Genya sighs but doesn’t argue. He squeezes Zhenya’s fist and gets up to refill their tea cups. Zhenya takes the cup and stares out the window.

_“I can’t do this,” Sid shouts at him, gesturing between them. “I don’t want to be married anymore.”_

_“We still a family,” Geno says, reaching out to him. “Still you and me. Jasper still our son.”_

_“Our son is dead. There is no family without him.” Sid pushes him away. “I’m not asking. I’m telling you that I want a divorce.”_

_“Won’t do it. Need to help each other, Sid. We need each other even more now. I love you.”_

_“I don’t love you.”_

_Geno steps back, feeling as though Sid had punched him. Sid’s crying, tears running down his face and Geno can feel the answering wetness on his own cheeks._

_“No, not true.”_

_“Leave. Just leave!”_

_Geno goes._


End file.
